Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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