that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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