Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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