there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
