Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
