and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
