O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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