id be glad to
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
