You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
