i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
