I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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