How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
