he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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