Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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