listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I sprained my soul last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
