Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
