trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
