I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
