Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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