Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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