I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
