I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
