I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
