8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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