She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
