I cockslap morals
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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