Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want her autograph on my taint
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
