ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize