apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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