Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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