just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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