you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
