guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize