My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
