Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize