he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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