So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
