i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you're hired as official boob wrangler
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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