So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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