im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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