I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
