why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
