Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
