I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
