don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
