im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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