i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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