do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
