wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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