i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
