I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
