i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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