sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
