beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
