I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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