do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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