i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said her name was "party"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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