I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
