I want to have your abortion
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
